Sacrifice

Lately I have had some interesting interactions with friends. The main theme across the board is sacrifice. Over and over I find this word being said in our conversations. Sacrifice of our free time to raise children. Sacrifice for our husband's careers, whether that be long periods apart or moving. Sacrifice of our dreams to move forward. Sacrifice of stability to take a risk. The majority of sacrifice being for our futures.

Some sacrifices are large, some small, but all sacrifices are important in order to get to the end goal. The question is, how is it happening to so many of us? Is it our age? Our economy? Our belief and value systems, which may be why we are friends? Whatever it is I feel a strong bond with each, and feel proud that we are all building our futures with so much courage and sacrifice.

 Many say that our generation is full of instant gratification, but all I am seeing is the ability to put off that gratification for a bright future. Interesting.

Weekend Adventures

Many months out of the year I end up booking every weekend with something away from home. I am not sure if it is a mistake, or my Mom's fault for bringing me up this way (love you Mom-hehe)? These past two weekends have been filled with girl time and a stroll down memory lane. Though I am exhausted I find these weekends keep me sane!!

October 15th - Jenna and I headed out on our 3 hour drive to Imperial, Nebraska. I am very proud to announce that we made it there WITHOUT missing a turn! Sounds crazy, since there are only 3, but we miss one every time and we were happy to have made it on time for once! Our weekends in Imperial are always filled with relaxation and girl time. On this particular weekend we did our wine chat, ran a couple miles, went to a pumpkin patch, baked goodies, and celebrated E's 2nd Birthday! It was exciting because it was our first time meeting Ethan - and I got tons of baby time. It is funny how we can live so far apart, but because we make the effort to see each other, it seems like we live close and know exactly what is going on! Tanna has two of the cutest kids and I am already looking forward to our next trip out to the flat land :)

October 22nd - Mom, Dad, Tomas and I headed to Grand Junction to visit B at college. The weekend started off great because I got to see Amy Lacey, I hadn't seen her in about 3 years and it was wonderful to see her in person

again!! I am excited she is back on the mainland so we can see more of each other. Unfortunately CSUP Volleyball lost in 3 to Mesa, but it was bitter sweet to watch them play. The next day we slept in and then Mom and I ran. Finally at 12 we decided Brian had enough time to sleep so we went and woke him (and his roommate) up! We headed out and took him to Red Robin and shopping for new clothes (he grew a couple inches) and groceries. I miss seeing B all the time, but I am SO glad he is having a blast in college. That night we watched a little bit of the CSUP vs Mesa football game before going on a two hour tour of Grand Junction trying to find the UFC Fights. That ended with no luck, so we stopped at a pizza place and LQ before heading back to our suites (thanks to Dad's Platinum Status, I know you like the mention Dad). The next morning Brian blew us off for breakfast, and who knows where he slept because it wasn't his dorm room, oh how I miss college :) haha!

These weekends always feel like mini vacations and I am so thankful to have friends and family to go with! Our next adventure, Pueblo for another alumni event! GO CSUP!!

Scrapbooking

Twice a year (sometimes more) my Mom and I head to a hotel for a weekend of scrapbooking. Yes, we scrapbook for almost 30 hours in 3 days. These weekends are great for many reasons; I get almost a years worth of pictures done, we stay in sweats or pjs the whole weekend, we have our own happy hour in the room, and they provide us with snacks the whole weekend!!

This weekend was by far my favorite weekend, because my Aunt Susanne was here! My aunt Susanne is someone I would like to be like; always up for a good time, stands by her beliefs and family, embraces her style, is true to herself, and someone who laughs a lot. We have tried to get this scrapbooking weekend coordinated a few times, but things like hurricanes have prevented us from making it happen. This past weekend was FULL of belly laughs and in depth conversations, we will walk away with many inside jokes and memories. There is nothing like sitting and being creative, while sharing stories from the last few months.

My Mom and my Aunt are two of my favorite women in the World. I am so lucky to have a Mom and an Aunt like these two - thank you both for all the support and love you give me!!  I wish Susanne lived closer so we could enjoy the friendship/sisterhood more often. But then again, these weekends, when we get to pack it all in, are very special.

Thank you Susanne for coming out to chilly Colorado for a weekend with us ~ we will HAVE to do it again soon! All we were missing was Haley to make it the PERFECT girls weekend :) Lets plan our next weekend (even if no scrapbooking is involved, just shopping and eating) SOON!!! Love you both! Tear c>

Ashlynn

Lately I have realized that I am awful at pronouncing my own name. I have decided it is either because I mumble or my lisp is heavier then normal that day. Either way it is always received as Ashlynn. This is most noticeable in places where I have to give my name for an order: Starbucks, Panera, Einsteins. There is always some sort of confusion when they call the name, I hang back waiting to see if someone with a similar name grabs the order, before walking up and checking that it is in fact mine. How can I mix up 'ey' with 'nn'. Must be my tongues fault of course. So if you are with me in the near future, and I say my name while holding the end (Ashleeeeeeeeey) you will know I am just exercising my mouth so people know my name. :)

PS - When I googled Ashlynn, to put a face to the name, a porn star popped up! Interesting.

Cancer Sucks

Sunday, my Mom and I participated in Race for the Cure Denver. Watching the 60,000 plus participants made me think of what an impact cancer has on survivors, their families and friends, and it led me to think of the impact Cancer has had on me.

My support for the fight against Cancer, the runs and activities I have participated in, have received mixed reviews. I remember a friend laughing that I had a Breast Cancer awareness license plate, and a pink ribbon mug, implying it must be a fad everyone is going through, asking “Who do you know that had Breast Cancer?!”. I even remember a comment about the races being just an excuse for Colorado people to run “for a cause” rather then just run, and the money raised will probably never be enough to help – people are going to die, cancer is just a way it happens. Most recently was a discussion about scare tactics in advertising, causing people to be afraid of HPV, pushing them to get a shot that may prevent cancer later on, these ads shouldn’t scare people – but why were we talking about it if it didn’t make a statement? These comments have stuck with me, and have in turn caused me to question why I feel that a race here and there, and buying something with a logo, will help. So here are my experiences and thoughts on CANCER.

The first big impact Cancer had on my life was when I was a sophomore in college and a teammate got the awful news that her Mom had Brain Cancer. The actual news was not what sticks with me. It is the times I watched her Mom come to a game after treatment, too sick to move much, but trying to still live her life and support her daughter. The way we all felt when the Cancer was “gone”, and the way the pain stung when they found it somewhere else. The way we rallied behind our teammate when the end came and we sat at her Mom’s funeral. Holding hands, wondering what impact this long battle would have on the family and the three daughters she left behind.

The biggest impact came when I received the awful news, on a bus trip with that same team, that my Grandmother had Lung Cancer. At that time my teammate's Mom was still fighting her battle and doing well. So I put on a strong face and thought – she can beat this – she has time. Our first visit back to Houston started with a chemo session, walking in I saw my Grandmother for the first time as “sick”, sitting in a room with other cancer patients, all trying to make light of their situation. My Grandmother trying to act as though this was routine, seeing her without much hair, grey rather then brown, hooked up to a machine that pumped fluids into her body that would later make her feel awful, hoping they would make her feel normal in the end. Our second and last visit is burned into my memory bank. The visits to the hospital where she was staying, making us laugh with her assessment of the other patients, before getting the news that it had spread to the other lung. Taking her home, watching her not care much about dinner, when it was her favorite thing to plan, before breakfast was even done, in the past. Or the last time I saw her, crying with my Mom in her bedroom, while I sat looking on, still in my denial that this was really happening. Now looking back I think she knew this was the last time she would be with us. This denial still sits with me today, probably why I still cry, even now as I am writing this. Cancer took her from us after only 6 months.

Since then Cancer has been in and out of my daily thoughts. Friends who have had to endure the same sad news, funerals where young lives are celebrated and Cancer fights are honored, daily prayers for those fighting today. Maybe my understanding is even deeper now that I have gone through a series of medical tests, Cancer lingering over the final diagnosis, scared beyond comprehension to what that might mean for my life. I am lucky, my tests ended in confusion rather then Cancer. But it seems that almost monthly I add to my list of those I think of often, dealing with the unknown, or the known of what Cancer will do.

So maybe the $40 I give to run in these races might not be the $40 that cures this disease. To me I have found peace and pride in participating whenever I can, aiding in Cancer research and awareness, not because it is what is the new and popular thing to do, but because I can. Each mile I run reminds me that I am blessed to be able to run, to be able to feel good. So, I run for those that cannot, the ones that lost their lives too soon, the fighters that are too sick to run, the survivors that run next to me. All of these people who I know put on a strong face for their family and friends, while they were feeling scared and sick inside. I run for those that will have to face this disease in the future, hoping it will someday be something that doesn’t mean death. I run for the people that hold the same pain inside I do from losing a loved one so quickly. I run to fight Cancer, because Cancer Sucks.

Country Music

Today I have the day off, thank you very cool boss! One of my favorite things to do while cleaning and organizing (which is what my day will be filled with), is turning on Country Music and singing along. It has come to my attention recently, by that cool boss, that I only sing little phrases in songs under my breath when in my office. That is probably why, when I get home, I get to sing as loud as I want, THE WHOLE SONG :)

I think I love the music most because of the wonderful memories it brings back. Growing up my Mom and I would sing songs by The Judds while on road trips to Houston, I would sing the Wynonna part and she would sing Naomi. The karaoke machine my parents gave me for Christmas, we were at my Grandma's and she caught me singing into the microphone as loud as I could "performing" in front of stuffed animals. The minute she walked in, I stopped, embarrassed. She said, "Don't stop! Sing like that when you want to, I just want to join the bears to enjoy". Or putting on "concerts" with my childhood best friend, practicing all day for our big performance for my Mom (my brothers made great background dancers). Dancing with my Dad on his toes as he twirled me around the dance floor at Trail Dust to Garth Brooks. It reminds me of my first boyfriend in high school, falling in love for the first time to Tim McGraw. Making "music videos"  of Gretchen Wilson with my college roommate Amy in cowboy boots and straw hats. Having a GREAT time in Las Vegas with my Aunt, Uncle, Cousins and Family, line dancing at Toby Keith's I Love this Bar & Grill. When Tomas and I first started dating he wasn't a huge fan, so we compromised on our road trips home, 1 song of Tupac for 1 country song. Now it is something he listens to all the time, and we danced at our wedding to Brad Paisley. Our new favorite country music hobby is attending concerts with my Mom & Dad, or Lindsay & Mark. 

Country Music has always been a huge part of my life, when I hear it, sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, but I ALWAYS sing along! Here are some more of my favorites: Sugarland, Lady Antebellum, Brooks and Dunn, and The Zach Brown Band. Enjoy :)